Temptations

I'm not quite myself today. So many things are bothering me. First and foremost is that my 17yo son seems to have no ambition. He is truly a sweet kid, but he has no direction. Of course, being his Mom, I feel tremendous guilt about this and I wonder where I went wrong with him.

It probably doesn't help that I have PMS--which is always accompanied by a vise-like migraine.

I am still tempted by Henrik. He and I are going to meet for lunch on Tuesday at a Greek restaurant about a 1/2 hour from my house. I'm not sure what to expect. Even if we truly click like magic and want to have sex, that won't happen. I will be in the middle of my period.

I sent a rather cryptic email to Drake yesterday, telling him that I am feeling temptations. He told me that if I want my marriage to work, I need to forget the temptations and focus on my marriage. Ha. Much easier said than done.

I am still not 100% sure that I want to stay in the marriage. I am constantly vacillating.

I even told Drake that I think I am tempted by other men because deep down I believe I am waiting for someone to come along who will sweep me off my feet, fall in love with me, and want to marry me. The chance of finding a man on AM who will do that is slim to none. All the men I chat with and have been with ALL want to stay with their wives. Wimps. They just want some nookie on the side.

And I accept that.

Only it isn't what I want anymore.