I'm So Wishy-Washy

When I walked into the restaurant yesterday, I immediately knew I was going to be in for an interesting lunch. Henrik sat in a booth, a book in one hand, gesturing wildly with the other. He looked like a mad man.

He was practicing his lines for a play he is in.

He asked me so many probing questions that barely a half-hour had passed and I was already emotionally exhausted. Worn out. Beat. I'm not accustomed to being accosted that way. I suppose I could have simply said, "I can't answer that." But I didn't. I gave reply after reply. He is obviously the probing, analytical type. And quite brilliant, I might add.

Toward the end of lunch, he propositioned me and I gently turned him down. There was a long awkward silence after, as we searched to renew the conversation. I told him that I'm trying to stay faithful to Drake and I was really sorry.

Geez, what did I expect him to want? Simply lunch?

Although he asked me to go to the theatre or symphony with him sometime--or out to lunch again--I left feeling depressed.

So now I realize that I *don't* want to see other men--platonically or otherwise.

I'm not shallow. I truly wasn't searching for a sugar daddy. That is ridiculous. Drake apologized for making it seem as though he was implying that.

I am simply wishy-washy. I truly don't know what the heck I want out of life and I don't know what I want from the men in my life.

Drake is concerned enough about my mood that he wants to see me today. He doesn't know about Henrik, I simply told him that I was feeling depressed--something I have dealt with on a regular basis for years.

Now that it's getting dark earlier, I hope Drake and I can find a quiet spot for a quickie. I know that would put a smile on my face...