Having sex with Dave made me realize that I really need to work on my marriage. I suppose I want to have it all: A marriage and my softcore BDSM relationship on the side. Is that so unreasonable?
Sure, I've thought about leaving Dave. Multiple times. But after 21+ years of marriage, it is difficult to imagine breaking up "the band." He has put up with so much over the years. I owe him something for that!
Breathing life back into my marriage will allow me to get these fantasy thoughts of Drake and me out of my head. If I know I'm staying with Dave for the long haul, why would I contemplate leaving him and being with Drake?
I suppose this sounds very warped: I am going to work on improving my marriage so I can strengthen my relationship with Drake.
But it does make perfect sense. To me.
My aha moment arrived during a chat session with Drake yesterday.
I told him I had been doing some serious thinking.
He immediately replied, "And...?"
I knew he was thinking that I was contemplating breaking up with him. Again.
I said that I need to work on my marriage...but that it wouldn't have an effect on him and me.
I told him that I am going to look at our relationship differently. As "friends with benefits."
He didn't like that. He told me that we go deeper than that.
I explained to him that we do, but if I get the FWB going in my head, it will stop me from thinking anything beyond what we currently have will ever occur...i.e., he and I leaving our spouses.
I could feel his hesitation. He said the fantasies come and go for both of us. I was a bit relieved, but overwhelmed, to hear that. So it isn't just me.
"Let's just enjoy each other. Here and now." I messaged him.
"I like that," he replied..
I don't fine this odd. You are simply isolating what you need out of each relationship. If you end up needed too much from Drake the whole house of cards may fall down.
ReplyDeleteIt is always nice to have those moments when we realize our lover shares the same mental conflicts we do.
ReplyDeleteI like the way you put that Ryan!!