I know Drake will never leave his wife. At least he would never contemplate leaving her until his teenagers are grown and out of the house and that is years away. If she left him (which is doubtful), that might be a different story...
I have never expected him to leave his wife for me...but I didn't expect the two of us to develop such a deep affection for each other.
It's easier for him and he knows it.
Ironically, he believes that now that my own children are grown and nearly out of the house, I should find someone who will make me happy. I want that. But we both know it would mean the end of "us." Neither one of us wants that.
He says there is nothing he wants more than for me to be happy.
Yet he can't be the man who will "complete" me.
He wants to continue having me for dessert, but I will never be the main course.
We will always be friends, he tells me. No matter what. Even if the sex stops. Which, he hastens to add, he hopes never does.
I remind him of how emotionally fragile I've been in the past. I completely lost it after Tim committed suicide nearly a decade ago. Tim and I broke up and then he killed himself. I fell apart.
I can't go through that again. I need to know that Drake will never wound me emotionally in any way. Drake says that he doesn't see how he can do that. In actuality, he already has. Why else do I feel on the verge of tears at times when I think about him? About us?
Just live in the moment, he tells me. Live for today and let's enjoy each other.
So many contradictions.
He doesn't get it. Or am I the one who doesn't get it?
I really need to figure this out!
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