A Marriage Tale

In this blog I have gone into detail about my 1.5 year relationship with Drake. A recent email exchange with a blogger friend made me realize that I have failed to explain the intricacies of my marriage. That is, I suppose, a (the?) missing link.

I am not here to vilify my husband, Dave. Contrary to what many may believe possible from a woman who cheats on her spouse...I love my husband. I have said this before. I am simply no longer *in* love with him. I think there's a strong distinction there.

Why don't I leave? I take comfort in the stability of my marriage. Of course we have ups and downs, but it has remained relatively stable. We have two incredibly wonderful children who still live with us and rely on us.

Dave and I met in a bar. I had barely turned twenty-one, he was a year older than I. He asked me to marry him three days later. Within a week I had an engagement ring. We had a separation for several months. I was four months pregnant when I walked down the aisle nearly eight months to the day after we met.

One of the few things we have in common: impulsiveness.

In the beginnig, sex was good. I remember the first time Dave kissed me. That kiss curled my toes! We were both fairly adventurous sexually, but that quickly changed once our firstborn came into the world. I was always exhausted and ready for bed by the end of the day; he, in turn, was fired up and ready to go out and party.

The first years of our marriage were tumultuous. Lots of fighting over minor, stupid stuff. There was the realization that we had created two children yet we had nothing else in common. We tried to pull together, but it was easier for us to go our own separate ways during our free time. It didn't help that I was struggling with a mental illness. He was addicted to porn.

Barely 3.5 years into our marriage I had a brief hook-up with a man I met online. I was a stay-at-home mom at the time. Dave was going out with friends nearly every night, leaving me home alone with our two children. I resented being so isolated and I turned to hot chatting and had several hook-ups with men I met online. This was long before the days of Ashley Madison.

I went for stretches of time where I "behaved" myself. It didn't make any difference in the marriage. Somewhere along the way we fell out of love. However, the marriage became less volatile. It was simply easier to go do our own thing than spend too much time together (although we did spend time together as a family).


Dave and I briefly separated after he found out about my affair with Tim. We reunited for the sake of our children, who were still quite young at the time.

After Tim and before Drake there was another series of affairs.

As far as I am aware, Dave has never cheated on me. I have no proof, though. I won't assume that he has cheated simply because I have. I don't even want to know. Dave is an extraverted insomniac who enjoys going to bars and 24-hour restaurants until all hours of the morning. We never go to bed together, we never wake up together.

These days, sex is practically non-existent. He goes to bed late, or falls asleep in his computer chair. We have tried short get-aways, but even those have failed to reignite a spark between us.

We are affectionate towards each other. I consider him a friend. He has always been supportive of me and I of him. The last thing in this world I would ever want to do is hurt him.

The past few days Dave has been making small attempts to get closer to me, but I am having a difficult time reciprocating. We haven't put each other as a priority for so long, it feels unnatural.

Dave is a good guy. He has never been physically or emotionally abusive toward me. He is a wonderful, caring dad.

The irony is that my husband and I are both very passionate people. It's surprising that we can't unite our passions.

It might be too late.