It certainly doesn't help that a woman I recently became friends with, Kelly, is suicidal. She won't get help. She claims that she's all alone--because she's pushing everybody away. I don't live close enough to simply pop by and see how she's doing. We have these bizarre text conversations. Sometimes, I can't tell whether it's her phone's autocorrect or she's so out of it that what she is saying is coming out as gibberish. Some of these conversations go on for an hour or two. I feel, at the end, as though I have been of no help to her.
I have told her about my past struggles with major depression. She has had some major traumas in her life and I feel for her. She simply can't see the brighter side of life. It doesn't help that she is facing her second DUI. She claims that she may end up going to prison for 1-3 years. I'm not certain of the severity of the charges, however.
Other weirdness: My husband has recently been calling me the love of his life. I have no idea where this sentiment came from. He comes to bed early in the morning and often wakes me up to relive some of the finer moments of our past, e.g., how we met, etc. Needless to say, it does make me feel a little crappy.
Things are great with Drake. He and I still have strong feelings for each other. I am meeting him for drinks tonight. On Friday we're getting a room. We're *definitely* looking forward to that!!
Even my taste in music transitions from rock/pop when I'm in a "normal" mood to classical/opera when I'm feeling down.
I'll leave you with a beautiful aria written by Henry Purcell: Dido's Lament from the opera Dido and Aeneas. This is a haunting rendition by Jeff Buckley (the commentary speaks volumes!).
When I am laid, am laid in earth, may my wrongs create
No trouble, no trouble in, in thy breast.
When I am laid, am laid in earth, may my wrongs create
No trouble, no trouble in, in thy breast.
Remember me, remember me, but ah!
Forget my fate.
Remember me, but ah!
Forget my fate.
Remember me, remember me, but ah!
Forget my fate.
Remember me, but ah!
Forget my fate.
Just talking/texting to you friend is helping. You have enough experience with this that I am sure you know what to do and how to encourage her to get help.
ReplyDeleteAs for the rest. It is OK to let yourself be happy with two men. Let your husband try to reignite things and respond as you feel, not as you think you need to feel. It took a lot of time for things to deteriorate between you two, it will take time to rebuild it. You need to know he is committed to rebuilding your relationship and not just trying a quick fix.
As for Drake, same goes. Enjoy him, but don't feel guilty about your husband. He has his own family and odds are it is not all "bad" all the time. Let yourself enjoy this time and live in the here and now.
TTFN
Mr. No Name
MNN I appreciate your comments and thank you for the very sound advice. You're absolutely right, it will take time to rebuild and I just might be able to do that while hanging on to Drake. I am fortunate to have these two men in my life and I selfishly can't let go of either one of them.
ReplyDeleteI feel so fortunate to have made some great blogging friends over these past few months. :-)
I go through major mood swings as well, and it's almost impossible to predict when it will happen. My taste in music, porn, blogging, all shift along with the moods. It was worse when I was younger, my GF claimed she saw a difference in my handwriting, saying that the cursive matched the mood of the letter.
ReplyDeleteI self-medicate with hot chocolate and trail mix.
Don't give up on your friend, keep her talking and she'll end up OK.