Sexual vs. Sexual/Emotional Affairs

Once upon a time I engaged in NSA/friends with benefits sex. Casual sex was hot, exciting--and it didn't mess with my head. I enjoyed the pursuit as well as being pursued, which gave me a sexual charge. I loved the exchange of emails, pics, and texts/phone calls, the sexual tension upon meeting, and the buildup to wanton and wild sex.

Correction: I should say no-strings-attached wanton and wild sex.

During my NSA days, I felt a deeper emotional connection with my husband. Sex with other men was just...sex.

Now I find myself in a 1.5 year sexual/emotional affair, navigating unfamiliar territory. When I met Drake, I'm not even certain what I was looking for. According to what Drake has told me, he had been looking for someone like me for a long, long time. We're talking years.

This puts us in a bit of an awkward position. I walked into this affair with no pre-conceived notions. He, no doubt, had some form of an agenda.

I now understand why he wasn't very concerned over my sexual trysts behind his back. I also understand why he got upset when I falsely accused him of seeing me as simply someone to play with. That implied that the emotional bond (something he desired) was a sham. And it isn't.

So back to strictly sexual NSA affairs. Were they fun? Hell, yeah. Am I glad they are done for the time being? Hell, yeah.

Perhaps I need to backtrack. NSA affairs CAN mess with your head. I had a months-long NSA affair with a man who was absolutely amazing in bed. But when our romp in bed was done, there was this sudden disconnect. I could tell he wanted me out of his condo (his wife lived in another state) ASAP. He was neither a cuddler nor a spooner. It was all sex, baby. All sex.

I accepted our affair at face value. It simply was what it was. Sex. Nothing else. Still, sometimes I felt as though I had done something wrong.

He and I are still friends and communicate occasionally on Facebook (he moved back to his home state several months ago). When we message each other, he seems genuinely concerned about my life, my well-being. He always mentions what a great lay I was.

I appreciate the sentiment, but I am happy in my sexual/emotional affair with Drake and I have no plans at this point in my life to go back to NSA sex.