As of late, Drake has been very busy and preoccupied. I sent him a nice email yesterday morning and he hadn't replied by the end of the day. I suppose I could have IM'd him, because I saw he was online, but I didn't. We normally don't communicate extensively during the day. I send a morning email, he responds and I might respond to his email, but that is basically it. Recently, I have been sending a nightly email.
Unfortunately, I often have a knee-jerk reaction to a situation and analyze it all later. Not a good way to be.
So, my knee-jerk reaction was to not send him my nightly and morning emails. So childish of me. It's embarrassing to even admit what I did.
Then my thoughts started drifting to the "what ifs?" What if he's simply tired of me? What if he's found someone else? What if? What if?
Ugh.
It appears he knew what I was up to because he sent me an apologetic email this morning, telling me that he has been overwhelmed, has no time, and his "emotional space is limited." But he added that it will all pass. He also ended his email with his usual endearing sign-off.
I, however, in my infinite anxiety-ridden wisdom, told him that if he needed a break, I understood.
I mean it. I would understand. I think I would. I often make pre-emptive strikes in order to lessen the pain...
He replied that he needs me to stay on my meds and set aside time for him and me (although he added that our time will be limited for the time being). He also told me to keep sending my emails and "we will talk more about it tomorrow." Friday afternoons is one of our times when we regularly meet.
My reply? "Ok."
I don't know why I'm making such a big deal out of something that is probably an insignificant bump in our relationship. He is overwhelmed by multiple issues right now and I simply need to support him in whatever way I can.
Is that so difficult?
Oh can I identify with this. I've never even met Mr. Big, probably never will, but OH MY GAWD do I over-think the whole stupid thing.
ReplyDeleteIt's hard isn't it? I feel you ~
ReplyDeleteYou are definitely not alone in your thoughts. I have gone there on more than one occasion. It is all part of my roller coaster ride. However, it sounds like Drake is not going anywhere and is staying by your side even if he isn't able to communicate as often.
ReplyDeleteNature abhors a vacuum, and so does our mind. We try to fill in the gaps with and explanation before one is even needed, and the immediacy of the Internet makes things worse. We expect our "other" to be on-line and available all the time. ALL the time, and when minutes, hours, or, heaven forbid, days go by, we assume the worst and we take that pre-emptive strike.
ReplyDeleteI'm old enough to remember writing letters, sending them off, and having to wait days for a phone call in return. We've trained ourselves to expect NOW to be 10 seconds ago.
It's not good for any of us, so we are certainly with you in your worries, but I think we all need to relax a bit, and try to be happier in the waiting.
Great shaare
ReplyDelete