Mother-Son Secrets

I've been mulling over the events of the past few days. I am impressed by the maturity with which my son has handled recent revelations about his own mother. Things, I am sure, no son would ever want to learn about...especially in such detail.

I forgot to mention that I told my son that the story about Hugh was true, but the story about Drake was something that I made up to try to get away from Hugh. I told my son that I didn't know that Hugh would throw it back in my face. My son was relieved. He said that if the story about Drake had been true, he didn't want to work with Drake anymore (he is working on a side project for Drake).

Drake is relieved also. He has said, since this first came out, that he would deny that we had anything going on between us. We are so afraid of ruining the good thing we have.

I have been a tad stressed. Lunch, yesterday, consisted of chips, bean dip and several Oreo cookies (my form of comfort food!). Not my usual healthy lunch! I really need to get back to the gym again (I normally enjoy getting up early and going, but I haven't been motivated these days). I think the exercise will take away some of the tension.

I was watching a movie with both my sons yesterday (they are 21 and 17). The movie was with Tom Hanks and Julia Roberts - Larry Crowne. At one point, Tom was going to kiss Julia (who was married) and my 17yo said, "Oh, no. Don't stoop that low, Tom." I saw my oldest son's eyes flit over to me and back.

Despite subtle things such as that, my relationship with my oldest hasn't changed. Fortunately, he and I have always been close (as has he and his Dad--which has me a bit concerned, I'll admit!). I feel a bit awkward around my son AND my husband, though.

I have decided to close one of my email accounts. I was going through some folders and I found an email from Hugh from back in May. I really should have given it greater thought AND I should have shown it to Drake. It spoke of Hugh being jealous of Drake being able to fuck me whenever he pleases, that he knows he shouldn't be jealous, but he is. He said that he was heartbroken when we parted last time and he couldn't get me off of his mind. It definitely sounded like a man obsessed. I should have tried to gently end things then...instead of letting things come to a boil the way they did.

This has been quite a learning experience.