The past week has sucked.
I felt the days leading up to this week were an indicator that I was heading downhill.
I was correct.
The depression officially kicked in on Saturday. I had promised Dave that I would go to a cookout and I backed out at the last minute.
Then I had a total emotional meltdown.
Inexplicable crying.
Unyiedling fatigue.
Moving in a fog.
Inability to concentrate on anything beyond (for example) reruns of Beverly Hills, 90210 on SOAPnet.
Yeah, it was that bad.
Seriously, I told Dave and my sons that I didn't feel well. I had a migraine. A whopper of a migraine that lasted a week.
I suppose they believed me.
It's difficult for me to be honest with them about my depressions. They must have suspected it, but I hated to worry them.
I hate being depressed.
It makes me feel so....weak.
I did, however, tell Drake. He saw me several times throughout the past week and was simply there to show his support.
He's wonderful.
He never told me to snap out of it. All he did was listen to me and reassure me that it would pass...that I wouldn't fall into any of the deep, dark holes I've fallen into in the past. He assured me that he was there for me.
I saw my shrink who raised my meds and I gradually started to feel better.
Dave and I braved the heat today (Friday) and met near the Mountain.
He was delighted to see that I was my usual self-deprecating, joking, kidding, sexy self once again.
We parked on a quiet road that dead-ended at a field. It was blazing hot, but I was happy to suck him off in the back of his SUV.
"I'm addicted to you," he told me.
...and I thought, "Welcome back!"
Glad to hear the cloud has passed.
ReplyDeleteDepression and bipolar runs in my family, so I am somewhat familiar with it.
Thanks.
DeleteYeah. Having bipolar disorder is a real bitch. My medications have managed to tame my manic highs (which weren't always as wonderful as folks might think!), but the depressions still break through on occasion.
Blah.
Glad you are feeling better.
ReplyDeleteThank you, MNN. I am trying to catch up on all my favorite blogs--including yours, of course! :-)
ReplyDeleteDepression sucks!! Every time I go off meds, by 6 months later I am back on them. I have noticed that over the years, I just need to switch them up.
ReplyDeleteI'm one of those people that no one would ever suspect of having it. On the outside I am smiling and laughing but there are days I cannot do that on the inside. But I also use laughter (and meds) to get me in a better place. It's great you recognize it and try to do something about it. There are so many people who need help butare afraid of the stigma attached to having a mental illness.
Here's to a depression free future!
FreakyV, Yeah, it definitely does! It truly does help to recognize what's going on and get help before it goes TOO far!
DeleteHere! Here!
We are glad you are back to your fun and sexy self and that you are taking care of yourself with professional help and the proper meds (Screw you Tom Cruise!)
ReplyDeleteThe depression cycle is an awful bitch, I'm glad you can tame it most of the time.
Thanks. I appreciate your comments and yeah, screw you, Tom Cruise! lol
ReplyDelete