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| I'm not looking for this! |
Saturday, I spent the entire evening, through the night, until early morning in the ER with my youngest son. He has a serious chronic condition with occasional flare-ups that require immediate medical attention.
My two sons are two of the main reasons why I have gone into couples counseling with Dave. Although they are considered "grown"--18- and nearly 22-year-old men, I still feel a sense of obligation to them to make my marriage tolerable.
I know how hypocritical that sounds.
Married for twenty-two years and in a hot yet comfortable affair for the past two years.
How does that make any sense?
So-called experts write books about how to "surrender" to your marriage. These experts believe we simply need to accept that the grass isn't always greener, no one is perfect, marriage can be a ridiculous nightmare at times, and we might as well throw in the towel and love the person we're with.
I'm doing that.
However.
I need more.
I don't have any ridiculous notions that my Prince Charming will make an appearance. I have no plans to ride off into the sunset with Drake and live happily ever after.
I'm passed that.
What I am trying to create is a stable marriage and fulfill unmet needs.
I know that sounds selfish.
No apologies, though.
It is what it is!
Fulfilling unmet needs isn't selfish. It just is.
ReplyDeleteI think working hard to keep your marriage together is an applaudable endeavor, no matter how you need to go about it :)
Thanks for understanding!
DeleteI don't think it's selfish at all. Everyone is responsible for taking responsibility for their own needs. If you've created a situation that works, that's wonderful, so feel good about it! :-)
ReplyDeleteYou're absolutely right about taking responsibility for your own needs. I feel that I am doing that!
DeleteNo Apologies!
ReplyDeleteNope. :-)
DeleteYou are making perfect sense to me today. Which is nice, but if it's making sense to you, that's the most important thing! Go Luna!
ReplyDeleteToday only? So other days I make no sense at all? ;-) ;-)
DeleteTeehee.
What is Dave's attitude toward the open marriage arrangement? Does he know that you presently have a lover even if he doesn't know the specifics? Also, something that I became curious over while reading: Luna, if Dave's happiness depended on divorce, would you grant it? Would you put his need above your own in that instance?
ReplyDeleteHmmm. Dave and I don't talk about it a lot. Primarily when we are in our counseling session. I am starting to wonder whether he is open to this type of marriage so he can justify in his head the fact that I have been unfaithful.
DeleteJust a thought!
No, he doesn't know I am seeing someone.
Interesting question, if Dave found someone and absolutely had to be with her, I believe we would be able to work things out in an amicable way and we could part as friends.
However, last night, he put his arms around me and said, "I want to grow old with you."